Thursday, February 5, 2009

An Abriged List of Things I'd Rather do than Watch the Oprah Winfrey Show

Teach Sanskrit to a group of deaf children.

Hammer railroad spikes into my shins.

Become romantically involved with a deceased squirrel.

Set my teeth on fire.

Watch golf.

Listen to Tom Selleck lament himself about the bad choices he's made in his life.

Arm wrestle with an angry lion.

Take credit for the Carter administration.

Eat my own feet live on Pakistani TV.

Become intimately acquainted with large amounts of unrendered animal fat.

Enjoy the long-term effects of radiation poisoning.

Force an elephant to rape me.

1 comment:

matthew said...

You should publish a version of mad libs, where the final result of each story is obscene and inappropriate regardless of how the blanks are filled out.