This is painful

This is my first official blog (well, if you don't count that one I wrote on Myspace about politically active squirrels, and frankly, you would have to discount the thirteen blogs I wrote while serving a three year prison term for impersonating a professional clown, but besides those fourteen blogs, this is my first, official blog) and I want to make it clear to all of you that this is a painful experience for me. It is painful because everyone has a fucking blog now. Every cretin out there with the ability to turn on a computer is now able to impart their wisdom online. And suddenly, everyone has something to say. Suddenly everyone is an amateur Charles Dickens. Now, I'm all about freedom of expression, but some of the shit out there is just trite. Clearly I am faced with a conundrum for I am expressly doing the very thing that I am denouncing.

The very nature of blogging is strange to me, and this shit crept up on us quite recently, in my opinion. One night in 2005 I went to sleep knowing that most people used the internet to send/read emails, check their local weather, and to look at pictures of naked farm animals doing it with Serbian politicians. Suddenly the next day I find out that every asshole with fingers is posting contrived stories and inane editorials on the web. In a matter of minutes, 86% of the world's population apparently had a giant meeting where they decided that they're going to swarm the interweb* with their goddamn chicken pot-pie recipes and instructions on how to build your own, functional stargate using office supplies.

Another result of the birth of blogging is that everyone in the fucking world, everyone!!... now has a fucking cause. Currently, every person with the capacity to tie their shoes is an official champion of some "worthy" cause. Whether it's to fight muscular dystrophy in caterpillars, to support frisbee sales in South America, or simply to end the unethical treatment of pollen, you can't download porn anymore without running into some conscientious blog. The saddest aspect of this is that most of these "heroes" who care so much about rabbits wearing make-up (PETA) or whatever the fuck, don't really give a shit about anything outside their bubble. These virtual Mother Teresa's are the same pricks who will step on your head while shopping on Black Friday.

I don't presume to have a solution for this social catastrophe but I will do everything I can to subvert this thing called blogging by writing my own blogs (irony).

-Roger

*= Thanks Randy